A Phone Call
by the-fraulein
Summary: It's been described as a crackfic. It's mostly Roger just being a jerk... to Mark's Mom. COMPLETED.


**A Phone Call **(because I had no idea what to title this)

**Disclaimer:** I totally still don't own RENT.  
**Notes:** It's all Chris's fault! –nods– All her fault.  
-Fixed because it contained a spelling error that was bothering me. And also to say that this is humour and contains Roger being a massive jerk. –nods again–

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Roger slammed the door closed as he entered the loft.

"Fucking women." He muttered, fresh from a fight with April, which left him annoyed and horny.

"Anyone here?" He called out, setting his guitar case down. No one answered, so Roger shrugged and threw his jacket on the table before flopping onto the couch to perhaps catch a nap while he waited for April to apologize.

His eyes were barely closed when the phone rang. Smirking, Roger dragged himself off of the couch. Maybe he would get laid tonight, if April was calling to make up so soon.

Roger grabbed the phone and pulled himself up onto the table.

"Hey baby." He purred into the phone, grinning to himself.

There was a stunned silence on the other end of the phone.

"Um… maybe I have the wrong number?" Said the female voice, concerned and confused.

Roger yawned. "Depends who you were trying to get a hold of. If you wanted Benny, Collins, Matt or Roger the god of clit, you have the right number."

There was a pause and the uncomfortable sound of the woman clearing her throat. "Um, what?"

Roger shrugged. He was one of the many who constantly forget that physical gestures can't be seen over phone lines.

"Oh well, I'm just looking for my son and I think…"

Roger had been staring at part of a sandwich someone seemed to have dropped on the floor. He found himself wanting to see if it was still any good, as he hadn't eaten in a while.

"So, who are you calling for?" He asked, not really paying attention.

"My son, Mark. You said there was a Mark living there, right? This is the number he left me, I'm just calling to check up on him. I want to see how his first week is going."

Roger shrugged again. "Mark is it? I thought it was Matt. Glasses?"

"Yes, Mark." Roger looked around the room some more in the silence. He sort of wanted to get his guitar out. There had been a few chords bouncing around in his head before his fight with April and he wanted to test his ideas.

"Is he there?"

"Who?"

"Mark, my son."

"Oh." Said Roger. He picked up the phone and walked over to where the half a sandwich was. Leaning over to pick it up he saw that the underside was covered in ants so he dropped it again.

"Fucking sick." He whined.

"Excuse me?" Came the phone voice, a few decibels louder and now shrill as well.

"Aw, just the sandwich. It's got bugs on it." Roger told her, heading back over to the table.

"Is Mark there?"

"Matt?"

"No, Mark. Glasses?"

"Oh." Said Roger.

"Can I talk to Mark?" Came the voice again, stretching to exasperation. Roger pulled on the frayed edges on a hole in his jeans.

"So you're Matt's mom?"

"Mark's mother, yes. Should I just call back later?"

Roger started to think about April again. Their stupid fight in the morning. Maybe he should call her. He frowned. But he was already on the phone with that kid's mom. He grinned.

"So what are you wearing?" He rasped throatily into the phone, using his groupie voice.

"What?" The voice was confused.

"What are you wearing?" He repeated.

"Um… a sweater and… well, pants." The voice was hesitant, confused and somewhat annoyed.

"That sounds really rad."

"Oh. Great. Now really, is Mark there or not?" Now she sounded worried.

"I'm not wearing anything." Roger told her, smirking.

"I just wanted to call to say, what?" She was startled.

"I think you just got the sexiest voice ever." Roger mused. "It's all high and sort of whiny, you know? It really makes me hot."

"Young man…"

"I bet you have a really great mouth too. Like, big lips or something. And I bet they'd look great wrapped around my…"

"IS MARK THERE?" She shouted into the phone, causing Roger to pull it away from his ear and glare at it. He rolled his eyes, but he was having too much fun.

"Look, I won't tell Mark, okay? This is just between us, babe."

"Alright, fine. Look, just tell Mark that his mother called and it's very important that he gets back to me, okay?"

The door rolled open and Collins came in, Matt/Mark with glasses close behind. They all nodded to each other in greeting. Roger smirked again.

"Yeah sure thing, babe. Call back anytime, I'd love to hear from you. Maybe we can even hook up somewhere. You can find out why I'm the god of clit."

The woman sputtered as Roger held out the phone to Matt/Mark.

"Who is it?" Mark asked.

Roger grinned. "Your mother."


End file.
